Deconstructing Sexuality

This blog is part of a series I'm writing while I'm updating the fifteen year old "My Gender Workbook" for Routledge Press. I'm asking for your voice to be included in the spiffy new version, because you are so much more than the first version of the book could have predicted. Every couple of days, I'll be posting a new question for you to ponder. If the question tickles your fancy, by all means please speak to it. For more about this update, check out the original blog. Thanks for your help.

I'm trying to break down sexuality into its component parts. If you're reading this blog, you know that sexuality is more than the gender of your partner(s). And if you've been reading my twibe's tweets about asexuality, you know that sexuality doesn't always include sex. So, what are the components?

Here's what I've come up with so far. I'm asking for your input: besides the following factors (in varying degrees in different people), what else is a component of a person's sexuality?

INTEREST IN SEX

BODY PARTS, CONFIGURATIONS, & IMAGE

GENDER ASSIGNMENT, IDENTITY & EXPRESSION

SENSATION

EROTIC/EROGENOUS ENHANCEMENTS & TOYS

LOCATION & TIMING

PERCEPTION & COMMUNICATION

DEBGREES OF CONSENT

TRUST, VULNERABILITY, PRIVACY & INTIMACY

CONFIDENCE & POWER DYNAMICS

SAFETY

LOVE & ROMANCE

PARTNERING

COMMUNITY, SOCIAL SKILLS, & INTERACTION

COMFORT & RISK

WHIMSY, FANTASY, FLIRTATION & PLAYFULNESS

MORALITY

INTELLIGENCE, SPRITUALITY & WISDOM

HUMOR & COMEDY

EMPATHY & RESPECT

COMPATIBILITY *

* I'm tying compatibility to placing varying degrees of importance upon perceived gender, race, age, class, religion, sexuality, looks, ability, mental health, family/
reproductive status, language, habitat, citizenship, political ideology, and humanity.

So... what else goes into defining a person's sexuality? The first draft of My New Gender Workbook is coming into the home stretch. Looking forward to your comments and tweets!

kiss kiss

Auntie Kate

Reminder: You can answer in the comments section of this blog, but Twitter is the very best way to respond. Response length, wherever you do it, is maximum 280 characters, two tweels. Your tweets do NOT have to be addressed to me, but DO remember to put the hashtag #MNGW on ALL your tweets about this or any other gender-y thing that might pop into your adorable li'l head.

 

Comments

[windy]

maybe it fits in more with the body parts etc bit... but something i think of as physicality? I'm thinking things like dance and sport and how people move and the power, intent and form of their movements. people don't work out just to look a certain way, they do it so they move with a certain potential to their movements. dance, row, lift weights, play soccer, it is going to change you in ways that link to gender and sexuality. it changes how you inhabit your body and the world. idk, maybe you cover this in the original, i've yet to read it alas.

[Cx Tiara Transience]

My cultural, racial, and religious background & heritage, as well as how this is perceived by others, plays a HUGE part into defining my sexuality (And my ability to express it).

[Cyn McCollum]

Born female. 53 yo. Tomboy, I'm one of the guys, always end up hanging out with them. Women hate me for that. Men curse me when I break their fingers for touching me without permission. I look femme but I'm not. I love the female body and fashion to some degree. I have a daughter. I love minds, I love bodies, I love sex. I married 2 men, huge mistake. I've loved 2 women and huge mistake not marrying the second. I defy labeling. You will never find the right one to stick on this box the world keeps insisting I fit into. The only one I need is Cyn.

[Sam]

19 year old female-bodied gender-confused. I am very attracted to men, I like feminine men, masculine men, etc. I do have types that appeal to me more, I like pretty boys, and I like the mature older man type too. I don't feel repulsed at the thought of being with a woman, and it is something I am curious about, but I don't actively fantasize about it unless it's part of a menage. I like kink and role-play, and having fun with sex, so I would desire a partner who knows how to shake things up a bit or I would get extremely bored. I've had problems with boredom in the bedroom before... Although I am gender-confused and experience dysphoria, I love my vagina because everything in this culture has told me to hate it. No matter what happens with me gender-wise, my vagina will be a part of me. I also am trying my best to overcome Catholic ideals being shoved down my throat when I was younger when it comes to sexuality, but I am having a very, very hard time doing that. I want a partner who adores, loves, and accepts me and who I can feel those things for them, too. I want my partner to be my best friend.

[Bookkeeping Sunshine Coast]

I think it is more of physical. The way you dress, carry yourself with others and what your passions are as an individual.It may also involve the topics and conversations or issues that interests you.It's not merely limited to your physical features.

[Sunshine Coast Latin Dance]

Very good and trustwothy website! A lot of interesting info. We were hoping for this.Thanks for sharing!